3 Things To Stop Doing To Live A Meaningful Life
These mistakes stopped us from pursuing a meaningful life — lessons from The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck.
Stop Seeking For a Problem-free Life
“I will be so happy if I don’t have any problems in life.” This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions that we have. Happiness does not come from a problem-free life, happiness comes from solving problems.
When we managed to solve a problem, we feel a sense of achievement, followed by happiness. As much as we hate to admit it, problems are our source of happiness. We always believed that happiness is a natural form of expression but no, it is an action. Happiness does not come from an absence of problems, happiness comes from solving problems. It requires struggles and sacrifices. Happiness is therefore a form of action.
I feel happy when I go out with my friend — I’m solving the problem of feeling lonely. I feel happy when I exercise — I’m solving the problem of feeling unmotivated.
So instead of asking how to live a problem-free life, why not ask questions like, “ What are you willing to struggle for?” or “What pain do we want in our life?”.
If there were a day where we are problem-free, it would be a day where we have no life purpose at all.
“Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded.” — Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck.
Choose your battle.
Stop Caring About Everything
“I’m so pissed at the waiter for not responding to my request”
“I’m so affected by his comments on how I dressed”
“Does he hate me that much to always go against my opinions?”
The list can go on and on. We are constantly being affected by other’s opinions, comments, actions etc. Anything and everything seems to require our attention. We believe that these are our problems, or at least we chose to believe.
Let’s take a step back, and evaluate these scenarios:
Does it matter whether the waiter responded late? How does it add value by being angry?
Does it matter what others think of how you dressed? How does it add value by paying attention to it?
Does it matter by understanding why some random person always goes against your opinions? How does it change the situation?
The equation here is simple, just think about these two simple questions. Firstly, does it add value by responding to it? Secondly, does it change anything by responding to it? If the answers are “No”, then don’t even bother. Learn to let go and choose your battle. Choose things that truly deserve your attention and effort; things that will add value by giving a damn about it. Not everything that comes to your attention deserves your attention.
Finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the most productive use of your time and energy. There is no value in suffering if it’s done without any purpose.
We all have a choice to choose our problems, our battles and what we want to give a damn about. Let’s try to re-anchor our expectations for life and learn to choose what is important and what is not.
Remember, not everything is important in your life.
Stop Reading Self Help Books
“Positive and happy self-help stuff we hear all the time — is actually fixating on what you lack. It lasers in on what you perceive your personal shortcomings and failures to already be, and then emphasizes them for you”
At one point in time, I was addicted to videos and articles about productivity because I felt that I lack productivity in my life. The more time I spent on these videos, searching for “tips” to improve my productivity, the more procrastinated I was. As a result, I felt unproductive, I watched even more productivity videos in hope that I can find that shortcut to productivity. So much for helping me to improve my productivity. Did I become more productive? No. Instead, I fell into the hell loop.
These self-help(s), be it self help books or self-help videos, are there to repeatedly remind us how inadequate we are, amplifying what we lack. Ultimately, we will end up in a hell loop where we are always being reminded of our inadequacy, we seek more self-help content and further reminded that we are lacking and the vicious cycle goes on and on.
I am not saying that all self-help(s) are not useful, but we need to be selective towards these so-called self-help materials. Learn to be selective in your consumption of self-help materials. Always be aware that most of the self helps books out there lure you in by making you feel inadequate and worse.
“The last self-help book you will ever need”. Big Lie.
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